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THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


r^ 


TRUE    POLITEXESS. 

A 

HAND-BOOK  OF  ETIQUETTE 

VOH 

LADIES. 

i 

BY   AN   AMERICAN   LADY. 

Ntbj  iorfe: 

LEAYITT   AXD    ALLE:7, 

Ei.tered  according  to  tti^  Art  of  Congress,  in  the  year 

1*17.  by 

GEORGE    S.    APPLETON, 

In  tlie  Office  of  U^e  C.srfc  of  th-  District  Court  cf  the  Uaited 

St3l,ea  in  and  tor  the  E.TStem  Dictrict  of  Pennsylvania. 


Mr- 


19  f<^ 

Tl'^ 

CONTENTS. 

Inteodv.ctions     , 

6 

Recognitiona  and  Salutation* 

11 

Dreis  and  Fashion      ,           . 

t           •                14 

Conversation— Tattling 

10 

Visits  and  Visiting 

.    39 

Receiving  Visits 

.    33 

Ball-Room— Parties— Dancing 

.  as 

Music 

.    48 

The  Dinner  Table       .           , 

•    4* 

Clourtship  and  Marriage 

.  a 

Servants              .           ,           . 

.  fis 

Letters  and  Notes 

.    57 

Funerals 

S0 

Cards 

.    90 

Presents              •          . 

.    91 

General  ObserT-ationj 

.    08 

899750 


TRUE    POLITENESS 

FOB 

LADIES. 

INTRODUCTrONS, 

I. 

Never  introduce  persons  to  ea(  h  other 
without  a  knowledge  that  it  will  be  agree- 
able to  both  parties ;  this  may  sometimes 
be  ascertained  without  a  formal  question  : 
very  great  intimacy  with  and  knowledge 
of  each  party  may  be  a  sufficient  assu- 
rance that  the  introduction  will  be  agree- 
able. 

II. 

The  inferior  should  always  be  intro- 
duced to  the  superior — ladies  take  pre- 
cedence of  gentlemen ;   you  will  present 


TRUE     POLITENESS 


Uie  gentleman  to  the  lady,  not  the  lady  to 

the  genheman. 

III. 
An  introduction  at  a  ball  for  the  pur- 
pose of  dancing  does  not  compel  you  to 
recognise  the  person  in  the  street  or  in  any 
public  place;  and  except  under  very  pe- 
culiar circumstances  such  intimacies  had 
better  cease  with  the  ball. 

IV. 

When  introducing  one  to  another,  men- 
tion the  name  of  each  distinctly.  A  fail- 
ure to  do  this  is  often  the  cause  of  much 
embarrassment.  If  you  have  been  intro- 
duced, and  have  not  caught  the  name,  it  is 
better  to  say  at  once,  "  I  beg  pardon ;  I 
did  not  hear  the  name;"  it  will  save  much 
unpleasant  feeling. 

V. 

As  a  general  rule,  avoid  all  proffers  cf 
introduction,  unless  from  those  in  whom, 
from  relationship  or  other  causes,  you  can 


INTRODUCTION 


place  implicit  confidence.  A  lady  cannot 
shake  off  an  improper  acquaintance  with 
the  same  facility  as  a  gentleman  can  do, 
and  her  character  is  more  easily  affected 
by  contact  with  the  worthless  and  dissi- 
pated. 

VI. 

Upon  a  first  introduction  to  a  lady  or 
gentleman,  make  a  slight  but  gracious  in- 
clination of  the  head  and  body.  The  old 
style  of  curtsying  has  given  place  to  the 
more  easy  and  graceful  custom  of  bowing. 
It  is  ill-bred  to  shake  hands. 

VII. 

If  you  meet  a  lady  for  the  second  or 
subsequent  times,  the  hand  may  be  ex- 
tended in  addition  to  the  inclination  of  the 
head ;  but  never  extend  the  hand  to  a  gen- 
tleman, unless  you  are  very  intimate. 

VIIT. 

Bow  with  slow  anc  measured  dignity  ; 
never  hastily. 


8  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

IX. 

If  you  wish  to  avoid  the  company  of  a 
gentleman  who  has  been  properly  intro- 
duced, treat  him  with  respect,  at  the  same 
time  shunning  his  company.  But  few  will 
mistake  you. 

X. 

If,  in  travelling,  anyone  introduces  him- 
self to  you  in  a  proper  and  respectful  man- 
ner, conduct  yourself  toward  him  with  re- 
serve and  dignity,  yet  with  ease  and  po- 
liteness ;  and  thank  him  for  any  attentions 
he  may  render  you.  If  he  is  a  gentleman 
he  will  appreciate  your  behavior ;  if  he  is 
not,  he  will  be  deterred  from  annoying 
you.  All  such  acquaintances  cease  with 
the  occasion.  Converse  only  upon  topics 
of  general  interest;  it  is  necessary  only  to 
be  civil.  If  he  should  betray  the  least 
want  of  respect,  turn  from  him  in  dignified 
silence;  a  lady  by  her  behavior  always 
has  it  in  her  power  to  silence  the  boldest. 


I  iN  T  R  0  D  U  O  T  I  O  N  S  . 


XI. 

If  on  paying  a  morning  visit  you  meet 
strangers  at  the  house  of  your  friend  and 
are  introduced,  it  is  a  mere  matter  of  form, 
and  does  not  entitle  you  to  future  recog- 
nition by  such  persons. 

XII. 

Be  very  cautious  of  giving  a  gentleman 
a  letter  of  introduction  to  a  lady, — it  may 
be  the  means  of  settling  the  weal  or  woe 
of  the  persons  for  life. 

XIII. 

If  you  have  an  introductoiy  letter,  do 
not  deliver  it  yourself,  unless  upon  cases 
of  urgent  business,  but  send  it  with  your 
card  and  the  number  of  your  lodging,  en- 
closed in  an  envelope,  as  soon  as  you  have 
made  yourself  comfortable  after  arriving 
at  your  destination. 


On  receiving  a  letter  introducing  any 


10  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

person,  so  soon  as  convenient  wait  upon 
her,  and  show  such  attention  as  the  nature 
of  the  introduction  may  require :  upon 
meeting  the  party  introduced,  you  will 
easily  perceive  whether  any  further  inti- 
macy will  be  desirable. 

XV, 

A  lady,  who  receives  a  letter  introdu- 
cing  a  gentleman,  may  answer  it  by  a  note 
to  the  bearer,  inviting  him  to  pay  a  morn- 
ing or  evening  visit. 

XVI. 

When  introduced  to  another  lady,  you 
may  say,  "  I  am  very  happy  to  make  your 
acquaintance ;"  but  there  are  few  cases 
where  this  remark  can  be  addressed  with 
propriety  to  a  gentleman.  It  is  a  favor  for 
him  to  be  presented  to  her,  therefore  the 
pleasure  is  on  his  side. 


KECOGNITIONS,      ETC. 

11 

RECOGNITIONS  AND  SALUTATIONS. 

XVII. 

TuE  superior  in  rank  and  station  should 
first  salute  the  inferior.     Therefore,  if  yon 

meet  a  gentleman  in  the  street  with  whom 
you  are  acquainted,  recollect  that  it  is 
your  province  to  recognise  him  before  he 
presumes  to  salute  you.  Another  reason 
is,  he  may  bow  to  you,  when  you  do  not 
recognise  him,  and  there  is  no  remedy ; 
but  if  you  recognise  him  first,  no  gentle- 
man would  fail  to  return  the  salute. 
Though  etiquette  is  quite  definite  on  the 
subject,  it  is  often  waived  with  advantage 
when  intimacy,  equality  of  station  and 
circumstances;  and  a  known  appreciation 
of  each  other,  warrant  the  liberty. 

XVIIl. 

If  a  person  whom  you  have  met  as  spe- 
cified in  Nos.  IV.  and  xi.,  should  presume 

i 


12  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

I  to  salute  youj  do  not  recognise  the  salute, 
but  pass  on,  and  leave  him  to  suppose  that 
you  imagiaed  it  was  intended  for  another. 

XIX. 

On  meeting  a  friend  in  any  public  place, 
do  not  boisterously  salute,  or  proclaim  her 
name  aloud. 

XX. 

It  is,  in  general,  bad  taste  for  ladies  to 
kiss  each  other  in  the  presence  of  gentle- 
men, with  whom  they  are  but  slightly  ac- 
quainted. 

XXI. 

It  is  proper  to  vary  the  phraseology  of 
i  questions  concerning  another's  health  as 
much  as  possible,  and  to  abstain  from  them 
entirely  toward  a  superior  or  a  person 
with  whom  we  are  but  little  acquainted, 
as  such  inquiries  presuppose  some  degree 
of  intimacy.  Custom  forbids  a  lady  to 
make  these  inquiries  of  a  gentleman,  un- 
less he  is  very  ill  or  aged. 


R  E  CO  G  NIT  I0:N  S  ,      ETC.  13 

XXII. 

After  we  are  informed  of  the  health  of 
the  persons  we  are  visiting,  it  is  proper  to 
inquire  of  them  in  relation  to  that  of  their 
families;  and  in  case  of  absence  of  near 
relations,  if  they  have  heard  from  them 
lately,  and  if  the  news  is  favorable.  They 
on  their  part  usually  ask  the  same  of  us. 

XXTII. 

If  in  a  public  promenade  you  repeatedly 
pass  persons  of  your  acquaintance,  salute 
them  only  on  the  first  occasion. 

XXIV. 

It  is  unladylike  to  C2i.t  a  person ;  if  you 
wish  to  rid  yourself  of  any  one's  society, 
a  cold  bow  in  the  street,^  and  particular 
ceremony  in  the  circles  of  your  mutual 
acquaintance,  is  the  best  mode  to  adopt. 

XXV. 

Always  bow  when  meeting  acquaint- 
ances in  the  street.  To  curtsy  is  not 
gracefully  consistent  with  locomotion. 


14  TRUE     POLITENESS. 


DUESS  AND  FASHION. 

XXVI. 

The  plainest  dress  is  always  the  most 
genteel,  and  a  lady  that  dresses  plainly 
will  never  be  dressed  unfashionably. 
Next  to  plainness,  in  every  well-dressed 
lady,  is  neatness  of  dress  and  taste  in  the 
selection  of  colors. 

XXTII. 

Let  your  dress  harmonize  with  your 
complexion,  your  size,  and  the  circum- 
stances in  which  you  may  be  placed  :  for 
instance,  the  dress  for  walking,  for  a  din- 
ner or  an  evening  party,  each  requires  a 
different  style  of  both  material  and  orna- 
ment. 

XXVIII. 

A  void  the  extreme  mode ;  and,  in  adopt- 
ing the  sityle  of  your  friend,  be  careful 
that  I't  will  suit  your  figure,  your   com- 


DRESS     AND     FASHION.  15 

plexion,  and  stature :  the  dress  which 
may  be  adapted  to  her  may  be  absurd  in 
you. 

XXIX. 

If  your  stature  be  short,  you  should  not 
allow  a  superfluity  of  flounces  upon  the 
skirt  of  your  dress  :  if  you  are  tall,  they 
may  be  advantageously  adopted  when 
fashion  does  not  forbid  them. 

XXX. 

A  very  high  head-dress  would  not  be 
suitable  for  a  very  tall  or  short  person ; 
the  latter  may  vpnture  upon  a  higher  dress 
than  the  former.  A  person  with  a  short 
neck  should  be  careful  as  to  the  sort  of 
frill  she  wears,  if  she  considers  one  ne- 
cessary ;  while  a  person  with  a  very  long 
one  may  relieve  the  awkwardness  of  the 
appearance  by  judiciously  adopting  this 
article  of  dress. 

XXXI. 

A  hostess  should  not  dress  so  richly  as 
when  she  is  a  guest :  it  is  good  taste  m  a 


16  TRUE      P  0  L  I  T  E  X  E  S  S  . 

lady  not  to  appear  to  vie  with  her  guests 
in  the  richness  of  her  attire. 

XXXII. 

Be  not  ostentatious  in  the  display  of 
jewelry:  if,  however,  you  have  superb 
jewelry,  your  dress  and  your  establish- 
ment should  harmonize  therewith,  or  the 
world  will  either  not  give  you  credit  for 
their  real  worth,  or  it  will  charge  you 
with  ostentatious  extravagance. 

XXXIII. 

Never  wear  mosaic  gold  or  paste  dia- 
monds ;  they  are  representatives  of  a  mean 
ambition  to  appear  what  you  are  not,  and 
most  likely  what  you  ought  not  to  wish 
to  be. 

XXXIV. 

Let  your  ornan^ients  be,  then,  more  re- 
markable for  their  intrinsic  worth,  and  for 
the  taste  with  which  they  are  chosen  and 
worn,  than  for  profusion. 


DRESS     AND     FASHIO:^.  17 

XXXV. 

Ladies  of  good  taste  seldom  wear  jew- 
elry in  the  morning,  and  when  they  do, 
confine  themselves  to  trinkets  of  gold,  or 
those  in  which  opaque  stones  only  are  in- 
troduced. Ornaments  with  brilliant  stones 
are  unsuited  for  a  morning  costume. 

XXXVI. 

In  large  parties  do  not  exhibit  any  re- 
markable anxiety  for  the  care  of  your 
dress,  nor,  if  an  accident  should  happen 
thereto,  exhibit  peculiar  or  violent  emo- 
tion ;  if  you  are  so  distraite,  many  will 
believe  that  you  have  exhibited  the  best 
portion  of  your  wardrobe. 

XXXVII. 

Adapt  your  head-dress,  or  the  style  of 
your  hair,  to  the  character  of  your  face. 
If  you  have  your  own  maid,  she  will  soon 
ascertain  what  style  suits  you  best ;  if,  how- 
ever, you  intrust  to  a  friseur  this  im- 
portant portion  of  your  appearance,  give 


18  TRUE      r  0  L  I  T  E  X  E  S  S  . 

him  complete  directions,  or  he  will  not  re- 
gard the  character  of  the  physiognomy, 
but  arrange  your  hair  according  to  the  last 
importation  of  blocks  from  Paris  or  Lon- 
don. 

XXXVIII. 

Gloves  should  harmonize  with  your 
dress  ;  and  must  always  be  clean.  Nothing 
can  be  more  vulgar  than  high-coloured 
gloves  :  the  primrose  (and  the  white  for 
evening  parties)  are  the  most  elegant,  if 
your  dress  will  admit  of  their  being  worn. 

XXXIX. 

Perfumes  are  a  necessary  appendage  to 
the  toilet ;  let  them  be  delicate,  not  power- 
ful ;  the  Atta  of  roses  is  the  most  elegant ; 
the  Heduesmia  is  at  once  fragrant  and 
delicate.  Many  others  may  be  named ; 
but  none  must  be  patronized  which  are  so 
obtrusive  as  to  give  the  idea  that  they  are 
not  indulged  in  as  a  luxury  but  used  from 
necessity. 


CONVERSATION,      ETC.  19 

XL. 

Keep  your  finger-nails  scrupulously 
clean,  and  avoid  the  disagreeable  habit  of 
allowing  them  to  grow  to  an  unnatural 
length. 

XLI. 

Singularity  of  dress  and  ostentatious 
ornament  are  by  no  means  characteristic 
of  a  lady,  but  their  adoption  proves  a 
prima  facie  case  against  the  wearer  of 
.being  a  nouveau  riche  striving  after  noto- 
riety. Station  and  refinement  of  manner 
will  make  these  vulgarisms  bearable,  or 
even  pleasing ;  but  the  parties  are  then 
bearable  or  pleasing  in  spite  of,  not  in 
consequence  of  them. 


CONVERSATION,— TATTLING. 

XLIT. 

CoNVEKSATioN  is  a  difficult  art,  but  do 
not  despair  of  acquiring  it.     It   consists 


20  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

not  SO  much  in  saying  something  different 
from  the  rest,  but  in  extending  the  re- 
marks of  others  ;  in  being  willing  to  please 
and  be  pleased ;  and  in  being  attentive  to 
what  is  said  and  to  what  is  passing  around 
you.  Talking  is  not  conversation,  it  is 
the  manner  of  saying  things  which  gives 
them  their  value. 

XLITl. 

One  of  the  greatest  requisites,  also,  is 
the  art  of  listening  discreetly.  To  listen 
is  a  delicatiS  piece  of  flattery,  and  a  com- 
pliment so  gratifying  as  to  surely  recom- 
mend you. 

XL!V. 

Cultivate  a  soft  tone  of  voice  and  a 
courteous  mode  of  expression. 

XLV. 

It  is  better  to  say  too  little  than  too 
much  in  company :  let  your  conversation 
be  consistent  with  your  sex  and  age. 


CONVERSATION,      ETC.  21 

XLVI. 

Cautiously  avoid  relating  in  one  house 
any  follies  or  faults  vou  may  hear  or  see  in 
another. 

XLvn. 

Never  converse  with  strangers  or  mere 
acquaintances  upon  family  circumstances 
or  differences. 

XLvni. 

Do  not  look  for  faults  in  the  characters 
or  habits  of  your  friends — the  critic  gene- 
rally likes  to  communicate  her  opinions 
or  discoveries — hence  arises  a  habit  of  de- 
traction. 

XMX. 

Never  encourage  tattling  or  detraction  ; 
if  there  were  no  listeners  this  petty  vice 
could  not  exist;  besides,  the  habit  of  listen- 
ing to  this  sort  of  gossip  will  soon  induce 
you  to  participate,  by  similar  communi- 
cations. I 

Abjure  punning,  and  exercising  even  the 
most  refined  raillery  :  the  latter  requires 
1 


22  TRUE      P  0  L  I  T  E  .\  E  S  S  . 

both  observation  and  talent,  and  most  peo- 
ple mistake  satire  for  raillery  ;  the  one 
may  be  the  offspring  of  a  vicious,  the 
former  must  be  of  an  enlightened  and  be- 
nevolent mind. 

LI. 

Do  not  appear  abstracted  while  another 
person  is  speaking;  and  never  interrupt 
another  by  intruding  a  remark  of  your 
own. 

LII. 

Avoid  pedantry  and  dogmatism.  Be  not 
obtrusively  positive  in  the  assertion  of 
your  opinions — modesty  of  speech,  as  well 
as    manner,    is    highly   ornamental   in    a 

woman. 

LIII. 

Doiihle  entendre  is  detestable  in  a 
woman,  especially  when  perpetrated  in 
the  presence  of  men ;  no  man  of  taste  can 
respect  a  woman  who  is  guilty  of  it :  though 
it  may  create  a  laugh,  it  will  inevitably 
excite  also  disgust  in  the  minds  of  all 
whose  good  opinions  are  worth  acquiring. 


C  0  X  V  E  R  S  A  T  I  0  X  ,      ETC.  23 

Therefore  not  only  avoid  all  indelicate 
expressions,  but  appear  not  to  understand 
any  that  may  be  uttered  in  your  presence. 

LIV. 

Rather  be  silent  than  talk  nonsense,  un- 
less you  have  that  agreeable  art,  possessed 
by  some  women,  of  investing  little  no- 
things with  an  air  of  grace  and  interest ;  this 
most  enviable  art  is  indeed  very  desirable 
in  a  hostess,  as  it  often  fills  up  disagree- 
able pauses,  and  serves  as  a  prelude  for  the 
introduction  of  more  intellectual  matter. 

LV. 

Flattery  is  a  powerful  weapon  in  con- 
versation ;  all  are  susceptible  to  it.  It 
should  be  used  skilfully,  never  direct,  but 
inferred ;  better  acted  than  uttered.  Let 
it  seem  to  be  the  unwitting  and  even  the 
unwilling  expression  of  genuine  admira- 
tion, the  honest  expression  of  the  feeelings. 

LVI. 

])o  not  (except  with  a  view  to  improve- 


24  TRUE     r  0  L  I  T  E  N  E  S  S  . 

ment)  introduce  subjects  with  which  you 
are  but  superficially  acquainted.  If  you 
should  do  so  with  the  idea  that  all  others 
present  are  equally  or  more  ignorant  than 
yourself,  you  may  be  very  disagreeably 
undeceived,  by  some  quiet,  unpresuming 
person,  who  may  have  been  listening  to 
the  development  of  your  ignorance. 
i 

j  LVII. 

Do  not  use  the  terms  ^' geriteel  -peo-ple ;" 
j  "  This,  that,  or  the  other,  is  -very  gejit eel.' ^ 
\  Substitute  for  them,  "  They  are  highly  ac- 
:  complished  ;"  "  he  is  a  gentlemanly  man  ;'' 
j  "  that  has  a  gentlemanly  appearance ;" 
!  "  she  has  the  manners  of  a  gentlewoman." 

j  LVIII. 

I       It  is  not  good   taste   for   a  lady  to  say 

j  "  Yes,  Sir,"  and  "  No,  Sir,"  to  a  gentleman, 

j  or  frequently  to  introduce  the  word  "  Sir" 

j  at  the  end  of  her  sentence,  unless  she  de- 

I  sire  to   be   exceedingly  reserved   toward 

I  the  person  with  whom  she  is  conversing. 


CONVERSATION,      ETC.  25 


LIX. 

Do  not  introduce  proverbs  and  cant 
phrases ;  a  well  educated  lady  can  always 
find  words  to  express  lier  meaning,  with- 
out resorting  to  these. 

LX. 

Never  introduce  your  own  affairs  for  the 
amusement  of  the  company ;  such  discus- 
sions cannot  be  interesting  to  others,  and 
the  probability  is  that  the  most  patient 
listener  is  laying  the  foundation  for  some 
tale  to  make  you  appear  ridiculous. 

LXI. 

It  is  rot  contrary  to  good-breeding  to 
laugh  in  company,  and  even  to  laugh 
heartily  when  there  is  anything  amusing 
going  on  ;  this  is  nothing  more  than  being 
sociable.  To  remain  prim  and  precise  on 
such  occasions,  is  sheer  affectation.  Avoid, 
however,  what  is  called  the  "horse- 
laugh." 


26  true    politeness. 

lx:t. 
Never  laugh  at  your  own  remarks  ;  it 
may  be  a  very  agreeable  excitation,  but  it 
invariably  spoils  what  you  are  saying. 

LXIII. 

If  3^ou  are  a  wit,  do  not  let  your  witty 
remarks  engross  the  whole  conversation, 
as  it  wounds  the  self-love  of  your  hearers, 
who  also  wish  to  be  heard,  and  becomes 
excessively  fatiguing. 

LXIV. 

Do  not  address  persons  by  the  initial  of 
their  names  ;  ''  Mrs.  A.  says  this  ;"  "  Mrs. 
B.  does  that ;"  it  is  a  mark  of  vulgarity. 


VISITS. 

LXV. 

A  lady's  visiting  card  should  be  of  small 
size,  glazed,  but  not  gilt.  It  should  be 
engraved   in  script  characters,  small   and 


27 


neat,  not  in  German  text  or  Old  English. 
Never  have  your  card  printed ;  a  written 
card,  though  passable,  is  not  perfectly 
au  fait.  If  you  write  them,  never  first 
draw  a  line  across  the  card  to  guide  you, — 
it  betokens  ill-breeding. 

LXVI. 

A  morning  call  should  not  exceed  from 
a  quarter  of  an  hour  to  twenty  minutes  in 
duration ;  the  most  proper  time  for  such 
visits  is  between  eleven  and  two  o'clock ; 
if  your  friends  are  people  of  fashion,  from 
twelve  to  three  will  be  the  best  hours. 

Lxvn. 
If  the  persons  called  on  be  not  at  home, 
leave  a  card  for  each  person  to  whom  the 
visit  was  designed,  or  beg  the  servant  to 
mention  that  you  inquired  for  so  many 
persons. 

LXVIII. 

The  subjects  for  conversation  should 
harmonize  with  the  character  of  your  visit, 


TRUE     POLITENESS, 


and  prevent  your  introducing  a  gay  con- 
versation, when  paying  a  visit  of  condo- 
lence ;  or  subjects  requiring  deep  thought, 
upon  casual  visits  or  calls  of  ceremony. 

LXJX. 

In  making  friendly  calls  almost  all 
ceremony  should  be  dispensed  with.  They 
are  made  at  all  hours,  without  much  prepa- 
ration or  dressing. 

LXX. 

Visits  of  ceremony  should  be  paid  after 
a  nearly  similar  interval  has  elapsed  from 
when  they  were  made.  People  in  this  way 
give  you  notice  whether  they  wish  to  see 
you  seldom  or  often. 

LXXI. 

Never  display  the  visiting  cards  you 
may  receive,  by  placing  them  in  the  frame 
of  your  looking-glass.  It  is  usual  to  have 
an  ornamental  card-basket  on  the  centre 
table. 


29 


Lxxn. 

If  the  person  you  call  upon  is  preparing 
to  go  oat,  or  to  sit  down  at  table,  you 
ought,  although  asked  to  remain,  to  retire 
as  soon  as  possible.  The  person  visited 
so  unseasonably,  should  on  her  part  be 
careful  to  conceal  her  knowledge  that  the 
other  wishes  the  visit  ended  quickly. 
Lxxiir. 

Cerenaonious  visits  should  be  short ;  if 
the  conversation  ceases  without  being 
again  continued  by  the  person  you  have 
come  to  see,  and  if  she  rises  from  her 
seat  under  any  pretext  whatever,  custom 
requires  you  to  make  your  salutation  and 
withdraw.  If  other  visiters  are  announced, 
you  should  leave  soon  after  without  saying 
much.  If  a  letter  is  brought  in,  entreat 
your  hostess  to  read  it ;  she  will  probably 
not  do  so,  and  this  circumstance  will  warn 
you  to  shorten  your  visit. 

LXXIV. 

A  lady  is  at   liberty  to  take   either  a 


so  TRUE     POLITEXESS. 

gentleman  or  another  lady  to  pay  a  morn- 
ing visit  to  a  friend,  without  asking  per- 
mission; but  she  should  never  allow  a 
gentleman  the^ame  liberty;  if  he  desires 
to  make  any  of  his  friends  known  to  her, 
he  must  first  ask  if  the  acquaintance  would 
be  agreeable. 

LXXV. 

When  a  lady  visits  another  for  the  first 
time,  her  visit  should  be  returned  within 
a  week. 

LXXVI. 

If  v.'hen  paying  an  evening  visit  you 
should  find  a  party  assembled,  enter  as 
you  would  otherwise  have  done,  but  re- 
main only  a  few  minutes,  and  escape  in  as 
quiet  a  way  as  possible.  Let  it  be  known 
shortly  after,  in  such  a  way  that  it  will 
reach  the  family,  that  you  v,-ere  unaware 
of  company  being  assembled. 

LXXYII. 

In  calling  upon  a  person  staying  at  a 
hotel,  if  she  is  not  at  home  add  your  ad- 


31 


dress  to  your  name,  else  your  visit  may  be 
fruitless. 

LXXVUl. 

When  about  to  be  absent  a  long:  time, 
make  your  farewell  visit  short,  announcing  ! 
the  fact ;  if  necessary  to  leave  your  card,  i 
mark  on  it  T.  T.  L.  or  P.  P.  C.     When 
you  return,  those  upon  whom  you  have  j 
called  will  pay  you  the  first  visit ;  those 
whom  you  have  neglected,  will  properly 
conclude  the  acquaintance  is  discontinued. 
If  you  are   married  while  abroad,  this  is 
especially  the  case. 

LXXIX. 

Visits  after  a  party  or  dinner  should  be 
paid  within  the  week. 

hXXX. 

Upon  the  death  of  any  member  of  a 
family  with  which  you  have  associated, 
visits  of  condolence  should  not  be  per- 
sonally  made  until  after  a  week  or  two 
has  elapsed. 


32  TRUE     POLITENESS. 


HECEIVINQ-  VISITS. 
LXXXI. 

In  receiving  morning  visits,  lay  aside 
any  employment  in  which  you  may  be  oc- 
cupied ;  this  will  enable  you  to  pay  those 
little  attentions,  and  to  say  those  elegant 
but  appropriate  nothings,  which  make 
your  guests  immediately  at  home,  and  tend 
to  the  establishment  of  your  character  as 
one  of  tlue  mode.  When  your  visiters  rise 
to  depart,  ring  the  bell  for  a  servant  to 
open  the  street  door. 

Lxxxn. 
Avoid  all  appearance  of  anxiety ;  yet 
let  nothing  escape  your  attention. 

LXXXIII. 

When  visitors  enter,  rise  immediately, 
advance  toward  them,  and  request  thenc 
to  be  seated.  If  it  is  an  elderly  person, 
insist  upon  his  occupying  the  arm-chair ; 
if  a  lady,  beg  her  to  be  seated  on  the  sofa. 


RECEITINO     VISITS, 


LXXXIV. 

In  winter  the  most  honorable  place  is 
the  corner  of  the  fireplace  ;  therefore,  if  a 
married  lady  enters,  offer  her  that  seat. 
If  this  place  is  occupied  by  a  young  lady, 
she  ought  to  rise  and  offer  her  seat  to  the 
other,  taking  for  herself  a  chair  in  another 
part  of  the  room. 

LXXXV. 

In  proportion  as  the  visiter  is  a  stranger, 
I  you   will   rise,  and   any   persons  already 
there,  should  do  the  same.     If  any  with- 
draw, conduct  them  as  far  as  the  door  of 
the  parlor. 

LXXXVI. 

As  hostess,  in  your  attentions,  consider 
all  your  guests  equal ;  the  greatest  stranger 
or  person  of  least  rank  should,  if  any,  re- 
ceive more  attention  than  others. 

LXXXVII. 

If  your  guests  are  about  to  remain  on  a 
visit  of  any  length,  see  before  their  arrival 
that  their  room  is  furnished  with  everything 


34  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

which  can  contribute  to  neatness,  and  their 
comfort.  Congratulate  them  upon  their 
arrival,  and  express  the  pleasure  it  gives 
you ;  inquire  kindly  about  the  incidents 
of  their  journey,  and  request  them  to 
make  your  house  their  home.  Be  assidu- 
ous in  your  attentions,  and  show  them 
every  object  of  interest  about  the  house 
and  neighborhood. 

Lxxxvni. 
If  your  guests  express  an  intention  of 
leaving  you,  affectionately  endeavor  to 
detain  them ;  if  not  successful,  renew 
your  invitation  for  another  visit,  and  ex- 
press your  regret  at  paiting  so  soon. 


LXXXIX. 

The  art  of  receiving  company  can  only 
be  acquired  by  education,  experience,  or 
close  observation.  Have  a  determination 
I  to  act  naturally,  not  hurried,  and  let  a  de- 
sire to  please  be  a  ruling  principle ;  you 
will  then  generally  act  correctly. 


THE      BALL-ROOM.  35 


THE  BALL-ROOM. 

XC. 
Invitations  to  a  ball  or  evening  party 
should  be  given  in  the  lady's  name,  and 
answers  to  such  invitations  should  be  ad- 
dressed to  her .  cards  of  invitation  are 
usually  issued  from  one  to  three  weeks 
previous  to  the  entertainment. 

xci. 
The  hours  for  tha  arrival  of  the  guests 
vary  from  nine  to  twelve  o'clock  :  in  this 
you  will  be  guided  by  the  usages  of  the 
circle  in  which  you  move. 

xcir. 
Never  go  early  to  a  public  ball ;  and  do 
not  be  frequently  seen  at  such.  When  you 
do  attend,  do  not  dance  from  the  time  you 
enter  the  room  until  you  leave ;  it  may 
leave  the  impression  that  you  have  few 


36  TRUE      POLITENESS, 


opportunities  of  dancing   except  at   such 
balls. 

XCIII. 

As  the  fashion  for  a  lady's  dress  for  a 
ball  is  so  constantly  changing,  it  is  im- 
possible to  prescribe.  But  we  may  remark, 
that  the  handkerchief  should  bo  "  fine  as  a 
snowy  cobweb,"  and  perfumed  just  suf- 
ficiently to  render  it  agreeable.  Your 
gloves  should  be  of  white  kid,  your  shoes 
small  and  fitting  with  the  nicest  exactness. 

XCIV. 

When  you  enter  the  drawing-room,  im- 
mediately advance  and  pay  your  respects 
to  the  ladies  of  the  house  ;  until  this  is 
done,  do  not  recognise  any  one  you  may 
know.  If,  as  it  sometimes  happens,  the 
lady  is  not  in  the  room  when  you  enter, 
though  the  position  may  be  rathei  em- 
barrassing if  you  do  not  meet  any  ac- 
quaintances, do  not  show  that  it  is  so,  but 
enter  into  conversation  with  your  partner 
or  the  lady  nearest  you,  until  the  lady  re- 


THE     BALL-ROOM.  37 


turns,  when  you  immediately  pay  your 
respects  ;  which  should  be  a  little  more 
marked  than  when  paying  a  morning  visit. 

xcv. 
If  possible,  do  not  enter  a  room  alone. 
If  you  have  no  brother  or  near  relation, 
you  may  at  any  time  request  a  gentleman 
of  your  acquaintance,  who  has  not  been 
invited  by  the  lady  of  the  house,  to  ac- 
company you. 

XCVI. 

The  lady  of  the  house  should  dance,  if 
at  all,  but  little,  unless  there  is  a  distin- 
guished stranger  present  to  whom  it  is  de- 
sirable to  pay  a  compliment.  This  is 
necessary,  that  you  may  be  enabled  to  at- 
tend to  your  guests,  and  make  the  evening 
agreeable  to  them.  If  you  do  dance,  you 
may  select  your  partner,  who  should  feel 
honored  by  the  act. 

XCVII. 

If  the   ^stess    intends  to    dance,  it   is 


38  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

customary  for  her  to  open  the  ball  :  if  she 
does  not,  the  host  opens  it  with  the  lady 
of  the  highest  rank  present. 

XCTIII. 

When  a  gentleman  who  has  been  properly 
introduced  requests  the  honor  of  dancing 
with  you,  you  will  not  refuse  unless  you 
have  a  previous  engagement. 

xcix. 
At  the  ordinary  public  balls,  it  is  de- 
sirable to  make  up  a  party  sufficiently 
large  to  render  you  independent  of  the 
introductions  of  the  master  of  the  cere- 
monies, as,  in  spite  of  .liis  best  efforts,  ob- 
jectionable individuals  will  gain  access  to 
such.  When  a  party  is  thus  formed,  you 
can  easily  and  without  rudeness  refuse  to 
be  introduced  to  any  gentleman,  by  stating 
that  you  are  engaged ;  as  of  course  you 
would  be  to  your  friends  for  that  evening. 

c.  ♦ 

If  a  gentleman  presumes  to  ask  you  to   ! 


THE      BALL-ROOM.  39 

dance  without  an  introduction,  you  will 
of  course  refuse.  Jt  is  hardly  necessary 
to  supply  the  fair  reader  with  words  to 
repel  such  a  rudeness ;  a  man  must  have 
more  than  ordinary  impertinence  if  he  was 
not  satisfied  by  your  saying,  "  I  must  de- 
cline, sir,  not  having  the  honor  of  your 
acquaintance  ;"  and  recollect  that  his  pre- 
vious rudeness  ought  to  be  punished  by 
your  refusing  to  be  introduced. 

CI. 

Draw  on  your  gloves  in  the  dressing- 
room,  and  do  not  taka  them  off  during  the 
evening,  except  at  supper-time,  when  it 
should  be  invariably  done. 

CII. 

Let  your  dancing  be  quiet  and  unobtru- 
sive ;  let  your  movements  in  the  dance  be 
characterized  by  elegance  and  graceful- 
ness, rather  than  by  activity  and  com- 
plexity of  steps. 

cm. 

In  giving  the  hand  for  "•'  ladies'  chain,'* 


40  T  K  r  E      P  O'  L  I  T  E  N  E  S  S  . 

ov  any  other  figures,  you  should  wear  a 
smile,  and  accompany  it  with  a  polite  in- 
clination of  the  head  in  the  manner  of  a 
salutation. 

CIV. 

Pay  attention  to  the  dance,  but  not  so 
marked  as  to  appear  as  if  that  attention 
was  necessary  to  prevent  a  mistake.  A 
lively  manner  harmonizes  with  the  scene ; 
but,  to  preserve  this,  it  is  not  necessary  to 
be  boisterous.  Refinement  of  manners 
has,  in  woman,  an  unspeakable  charm. 

cv. 
Recollect  that  your  partner  is  for  the 
time  being  your  very  humble  servant,  and 
that  he  will  be  honored  by  acquiescing  in 
any  of  your  wishes  :  for  instance,  you  may 
wish  to  promenade,  to  walk  from  one 
room  to  another,  to  join  your  friends ; 
you  may  require  a  jelly,  ice,  wine,  or  any 
other  refreshment ;  your  dress  may  have 
become  disarranged ;  in  short,  he  will  feel 
honored    by   receiving  your    commands, 


THE     BALL-ROOM.  41    i 

and  ought  to  anticipate  your  wishes  on 
most  of  the  above,  and  many  more  ordi- 
nary occasions.  On  no  account  be  seen 
parading  a  ball-room  by  yourself. 

cvi. 

Wheji  you  are  dancing,  you  will  con- 
sider yourself  engaged  to  your  partner, 
therefore  not  at  liberty  to  hold  a  flirta- 
tion between  the  figures  with  some  other 
gentleman. 

evil. 

Do  not  mistake  affectation  for  refine- 
ment :  it  would  be  no  less  an  error  than 
confounding  vice  with  virtue. 

CVIII. 

Do  not  make  a  public  room  the  arena 
for  torturing  any  simple  swain  who  per- 
chance may  admire  you  a  little  more  than 
you  deserve.  Recollect  that  while  you 
are  wounding  another's  heart  you  may  be 
trifling  with  your  own  peace. 


L 


42  TRUE      POLITENESS, 


CXX. 

When  you  leave  a  party  before  the 
others,  do  so  quietly  and  as  little  seen  as 
possible  ;  first  making  your  parting  curtsy 
to  tha  ladies  of  the  house,  if  convenient. 
Duririg  the  week,  make  them  a  visit  of 
thanks,  at  which  you  may  converse  of  the 
pleasure  of  the  ball,  and  the  good  selection 
of  the  company. 

ex. 
If  you  are  engaged  to  a  gentleman,  do 
not  let  your  attention  be  paid  exclusively 
to  him — the    object  of  your  love  should 
alone  perceive  it. 

CXI. 

If  you  have  accepted  an  invitation,  do 
not  fail  to  keep  it  unless  for  the  most  un- 
avoidable reasons. 

cxii. 
The    members    of    an    invited   family 
should  not  be  seen   conversing  often   to- 
gether at  a  party. 


43 


MUSIC. 

CXIII. 

Never  exhibit  any  particular  anxiet)  Jo 
sing  or  to  play.  You  may  have  a  fine 
voice,  have  a  brilliant  instrumental  exe- 
cution ;  but  your  friends  may  by  possibility 
neither  admire  nor  appreciate  either. 

cxiv. 
If  you  intend  to  sing,  do  not  affect  to 
refuse  when  asked,  but  at  once  accede. 
If  you  are  a  good  singer,  your  prompt  com- 
pliance vi'ill  add  to  the  pleasure  of  your 
friends,  and  to  their  regard  ;  if  you  are  not^ 
the  desire  to  amuse  will  have  been  evinced, 
and  will  be  appreciated. 

ex  v. 
Do  not  sing  songs  descriptive  of  mascu- 
line   passion   or    sentiment ;    there    is   an 
abundance  of  superior  songs  for  both  sexes. 


44  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

CXVI. 

If  you  are  singing  second,  do  not  drag 
on,  nor  as  it  were  tread  upon  the  heels  of 
your  prima;  if  you  do  not  regard  your 
friend's  feelings,  have  mercy  on  your  own 
reputation,  for  nine  out  of  ten  in  every 
party  will  think  you  in  the  wrong,  and 
those  who  know  that  you  are  singing  in 
correct  time,  will  believe  you  ill-natured 
or  not  sufficiently  mistress  of  the  song  to 
wait  upon  your  friend. 

CXVII. 

If  playing  an  accompaniment  to  a  singer, 
do  not  forget  that  your  instrument  is  in- 
tended to  aid,  not  to  interrupt :  that  it  is  to 
be  subordinate  to  the  song. 

CXVIII. 

If  nature  has  not  given  you  a  voice,  do 
not  attempt  to  sing,  unless  you  have  swffi- 
cient  taste,  knowledge,  and  judgment,  to 
cover  its  defects  by  an  accompaniment. 


THE     DINJJSK -TABLE.  45 

CXIX. 

Never  sing  more  than  one  or  two  songs 
consecutively. 

cxx. 
When  at  concerts  or  private  parties 
■where  music  is  being  performed,  never 
converse,  no  matter  how  anxious  you  may 
be  to  do  so,  ox  how  many  persons  you 
may  see  doing  so ;  and  refrain  from  beating 
time,  humming  the  airs,  applauding,  or 
making  ridiculous  gestures  of  admiration. 


THE  DINNER-TABLE. 

CXXI. 

Invitations  to  dinner  must  of  course 
be  answered  to  the  lady.  Cards  of  invi- 
tation to  a  dinner  party  are  usually  issued 
from  three  days  to  a  fortnight  previous  to 
the  entertainment ;  they  should  specify 
the  hour  of  meeting.  The  proper  number 
for  such  a  party  is  somewhat  in  dispute : 
the  happy  medium  may  be  considered  ten. 


46  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

CXXII. 

As  persons  are  necessarily  introduced 
at  a  dinner  party,  only  such  persons  as  are 
known  to  each  other,  or  who  mutually  de- 
sire to  be  acquainted  should  be  invited, 
except  under  the  circumstances  alluded  to 
in  No.  I. 

CXXTII. 

Be  punctual  to  the  hour  appoint" d. 

CXXIY. 

"When  an  invitation  is  accepted,  let  no- 
thing but  imperative  necessity  compel  you 
to  break  the  engagement,  or  at  the  last 
moment  to  send  an  excuse. 

cxxv. 
When  your  guests  enter,  present  them 
to  the  others,  and  if  any  delay  occur,  let 
the  conversation  be  light  and  on  common- 
place topics. 

CXXVI. 

It  is  usual  for  the  host  or  hostess  to 
point  out  to  the  gentlemen  the  ladies  they 
are  to  conduct  to  the  dining-room,  accord- 


THE     DINNER-TABLE.  47 

ing  to  some  real  or  imaginary  standard 
(age  or  distinction).  If  persons  of  dis- 
tinction are  present,  it  is  desirable  that 
this  should  be  done — of  course  giving  them 
precedence. 

CXXVIT 

The  hostess  follows  her  guests  to  the 
dining-room,  the  host  having  led  the  way 
with  the  lady  of  most  consideration  :  the 
gentleman  of  the  greatest  distinction  ac- 
companies the  hostess  to  the  dining-room. 

cxxvnr. 
The  hostess  takes  the  head  of  the  table  : 
the   seat  of  honor  for  a  gentleman  is  at 
her  right  hand  ;  for  a  lady,  it  is  to  the  right 
of  the  host. 

cxxix. 
Ladies  do  not  wear  gloves  during  dinner. 

■  cxxx. 
In   the   best   houses,  the    operation    of 
carving  is  performed  at  the  side  tables  ; 
t.  e.  the  principal  joint,  or  joints,  which 


48  TRUE     POLITENES'^. 

require  strength  in  the  operation,  are  there 
carved. 

cxxxi. 
Table  napkins  are  indispensable  at  the 
dinner  table ;  and  silver  forks  are  now 
met  with  in  almost  every  respectable 
house.  Steel  forks,  except  for  carving,  are 
now  seldom  placed  upon  the  dinner  table* 

cxxxii. 
It  is  usual  to  commence  with  soup 
which  never  refuse  ;  if  you  do  not  eat  it, 
you  can  toy  with  it  until  it  is  followed  by 
fish;  of  either  of  which  never  take  more 
than  once. 

CXXXIII. 

\VTien  all  are  seated,  send  a  plate  of 
soup  to  every  one.  Do  not  ask  any  one 
if  they  will  be  helped,  as  every  one  takes 
it,  of  course. 

cxxxiv. 

Always  feed  yourself  with  the  fork ;  a 
knife  is  only  used  as  a  divider.     Use  a 


THE     DINNER-TABLE.  49 

dessert   spoon    in   eating   tarts,  puddings, 
curries,  &c.,  &c. 

cxxxv. 
If  what  you  are  eating  before  the  des- 
sert has  any  liquid,  sop  the  bread  and 
then  raise  it  to  the  mouth.  For  articles 
of  the  dessert  having  liquid,  a  spoon  is 
usually  provided. 

cxxxvi. 
In  helping   sauce  or  vegetables,  place 
them  upon  the  side  of  the  viands  on  the 
plate. 

CXXXVII. 

If  anything  is  sent  you  from  the  host  or 
hostess,  do  not  offer  it  to  any  other  per- 
son ;  and  when  helped  do  not  wait  until 
others  are  served,  but  at  once  arrange  your 
napkin,  and  proceed  to  the  important  busi- 
ness of  the  moment. 

CXXXVIII 

In  helping  a  joint,  do  not  overload  a 
person's  plate ;  and  if  game,  or  any  par- 


50  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

ticularly  select  dish  is  placed  before  you, 
serve  it  with  discretion. 

cxxxix. 
In  helping,  wherever  a  spoon  can  be 
conveniently  used,  it  is  preferable  to  the 
use  of  a  knife  and  fork. 

CXL. 

Fish  must  be  helped  with  a  fish  slice : 
you  may  carve  it  more  dexltrously  by 
taking  a  spoon  in  your  left  hand. 

CXLI. 

Soup  must  be  eaten  from  the  side,  not 
the  point  of  the  spoon ;  and,  in  eating  it, 
be  careful  not  to  make  a  noise,  by  strongly 
inhaling  the  breath :  this  habit  is  exces- 
sively vulgar ;  you  cannot  eat  too  quietly. 

CXLII, 

In  helping  soup,  recollect  that  a  little 
more  than  a  ladle  full  is  sufficient. 

CXLIII. 

As  hostess,  do  not  press  people  to  eat 


THE     D  INNE  R- T  A  BLE.  51 

more  than  they  appear  inclined  to  take, 
nor  force  upon  them  any  particular  dish 
which  you  may  think  superexcellent.  If 
any  difficulty  occurs  in  carving,  you  should 
feel  no  diffidence  in  requesting  the  gentle- 
man to  your  right  or  left  to  assist  you  :  it 
is  a  part  of  their  duty  and  piivilege. 

CXLIV. 

Do  not  ask  any  one  at  the  table  to  help 
you  to  anything,  but  apply  to  the  servant. 

CXLV. 

The  hostess  should  never  send  away  her 
plate  until  all  the  guests  have  finished. 

CXLVI. 

When  you  send  your  plate  for  anything, 
leave  your  knife  and  fork  upon  it.  When 
you  have  done,  place  both  together  on  one 
side  of  the  plate. 

CXLV  II. 

Servants  wait  at  table  in  white  gloves, 
or  have  a  fine  napkin  in  their  hand,  which 
prevents  its  contact  with  your  plate. 


52  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

CXLVIII. 

Finger-glasses  come  on  with  the  des- 
sert; wet  a  corner  of  your  napkin  and 
wipe  your  mouth ;  then  immerse  your 
fingers  in  the  water  and  dry  them  with  the 
napkin. 

CILIX. 

As  hostess,  you  will  give  the  signal  for 
retiring  by  rising  from  the  table.  The 
time  for  so  doing  varies  in  different  com- 
panies, and  must  be  left  to  your  discretion. 

CL. 

Should  your  servants  break  anything 
while  you  are  at  table,  do  not  appear  to 
notice  it.  If  they  betray  stupidity  or  awk- 
wardness, avoid  reprimanding  them  pub- 
licly, as  it  only  draws  attention  to  their 
errors,  and  adds  to  their  embarrassment. 

CLI. 

During  the  week  which  follows  the  en- 
tertainment, each  of  the  guests  owes  a 
visit  to  the  entertainer.     Converse  about 


COURTSHIP   AND    MARRIAGE.      53 

the  dinner,  the  pleasure  you  have  enjoyed, 
and  of  the  persons  whom  you  have  met 
there. 

CLII. 

The  mistress  of  the  house  should  never 
appear  to  pride  herself  regarding  what  is 
on  her  table,  nor  confuse  herself  with 
apologies  for  the  bad  cheer  which  she  may 
offer  you  ;  it  is  much  better  for  her  to  ob- 
serve silence  in  this  respect,  and  leave  it 
to  her  guests  to  pronounce  eulogiums  on 
the  dinner. 

CLiri. 

Ladies  should  not  leave  the  table  before 
the  end  of  the  entertainment,  unless  from 
urgent  necessity.  If  it  is  a  married  lady, 
she  requests  some  one  to  accompany  her ; 
if  unmarried,  she  goes  with  her  mother. 

COURTSHIP  AND   MARF.IAGE. 

CLIV. 

When  about  to  be  married  send  your 
card  with  the  gentleman's  in  an  evnelope 


54  TRUE     POLITENESS. 

to  the  circle  which  you  intend  to  visit. 
They  are  usually  sent  by  your  connexions, 
or  your  bridesmaid  and  groomsman,  with 
your  assistance.     The  lady's  should  have 

CRgraved  on  it :  "  At  home, ,  — th  inst. 

at  —  o'clock."  They  should  be  sent  at 
least  one  week  previous. 

CLV. 

The  styles  of  card  and  envelope  are  so 
varied  that  none  are  more  fashionable  than 
others.  The  cards  are  sometimes  united 
by  a  white  ribbon,  or  silken  cord. 

CLVI. 

After  marriage  you  need  not  retain  th*' 
whole  of  your  previous  acquaintance ;  those 
only  to  whom  you  send  cards  are  for  the 
future,  considered  in  the  circle  of  your 
visiting  acquaintance.  The  bridegroom 
.selects  those  persons  among  his  former 
associates  whom  he  wishes  to  retain  as 
such. 


SERVANTS  55 


CLVII. 

When  fr.e  married  pair  receive  company 
call  upon  them,  offer  your  compliments, 
and  wish  them  much  happiness  in  their 
new  sphere.  Address  the  bride /rj;?.  Do 
not  remain  longer  than  a  few  minutes,  un- 
less it  is  an  evening  party ;  when,  after 
paying  your  respects,  mingle  with  the  rest 
of  the  company.  Retire  early  from  a  wed- 
ding party. 

CLVIII. 

Newly  married  persons  should  abstain 
in  public  from  every  mark  of  affection  too 
conspicuous,  and  every  exclusive  attention. 


SERVANTS. 
CLVIX. 

Do  not  imagine  that  you  will  increase 
your  importance  by  hmiteur  to  your  own 
or  to  other  people's  servants. 


56  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

CL5. 

At  the  house  of  your  friend  always  pre- 
fac?  your  request  to  a  servant  by  the 
words,  "  I  would  thank  you  for  so  and  so ;" 
and  do  not  omit  the  usual  courtesy  on  re- 
ceiving  it. 

CLXI. 

Do  not  scold  your  servants;  you  had 
better  turn  them  away  at  once.  When  they 
need  reproof,  give  them  it  in  a  calm, 
dignified,  and  firm  manner ;  but  on  no 
account,  if  you  can  possibly  avoid  it, 
find  fault  with  thern  in  the  presence  of 
strangers,  even  though  they  should  let  fall 
the  tray  with  your  best  set  of  china  upon  it. 

CI,XII. 

If  you  have  only  one  servant,  speak  of 
her  by  her  Christian  name ;  if  you  have 
more,  talk  of  them  by  the  names  of  their 
offices,  such  as  nurse,  cook,  housemaid, 
footman,  &c.,  but  always  address  them  by 
their  Christian  names. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES.      57 


LETTERS  A^D   NOTES, 

CLXIII. 

In  writing,  endeavor  to  make  your  style 
clear,  concise,  elegant,  and  ajjpropriate  for 
all  subjects.  Avoid  repetitions,  erasures, 
insertions,  omissions,  and  confusion  of 
ideas,  or  labored  construction.  If  your 
letter  is  to  an  equal  or  friend,  these 
blemishes  may  remain;  if  otherwise,  it 
must  be  commenced  again. 

CLXIV, 

To  write  on  very  coarse  paper  is  al- 
lowable only  for  the  most  indigent ;  to  use 
gilt-edged  and  perfumed  paper  for  letters 
of  business,  would  be  ridiculous.  The 
very  best  paper,  but  plain  or  without  much 
ornament,  is  most  to  be  recommended. 

CLXV. 

It  is  extremely  impolite  to  write  upon 
a  single  leaf  of  paper,  even  if  it  is  a  billet ; 


L 


58  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

it  should  always  be  double,  although  we 
write  only  two  or  three  lines.  Envelopes 
are  now  used  almost  as  much  as  the  paper 
itself  is. 

CLXVI. 

Use  a  lofty  style  towards  persons  to 
whom  you  owe  respect ;  an  easy,  trifling, 
or  even  jesting  style  toward  a  friend,  and 
a  courteous  style  toward  one  another 
generally. 

CLXVII. 

The  date  is  often  necessary  to  the  un- 
derstanding of  many  passages  of  your 
letter,  therefore  never  omit  it.  It  may  be 
put  at  the  right  hand  of  the  commence- 
ment of  the  letter,  if  writing  to  an  equal ; 
but  in  writing  to  a  superior,  it  should  be 
at  the  end,  in  order  that  the  title  at  the 
head  of  the  letter  may  be  entirely  alone. 

CLXVIII. 

Seal  your  communications  with  wax: 
bronze  or  other  colors  are  more  suitable 
than  red ;  use  black  wax  when  in  mournins. 


FUNERALS.-  59 


Let  the  seal  be  small ;  large  ones  are  in 
very  bad  taste. 

CLXIX. 

Ceremonious  notes  and  social  letters 
should  always  be  in  the  third  person,  and 
of  course  not  signed. 

CLXX. 

Letters  of  introduction  should  be  concise 
and  brief,  and  enclosed  in  an  envelope,  un- 
sealed. 


FUNERALS. 
CLXXI. 

When  any  of  your  acquaintances  are 
deceased,  bo  at  the  house  at  not  quite  an 
hour  after  the  time  specified,  as  the  pro- 
cession moves  exactly  one  hour  after  the 
time  announced. 

CLXXII. 

It  is  optional  whether  you  go  to  the 
grave  or  not ;  it  is  customary  now,  to  go 


60  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

merely  to  the  house,  until  the  procession 
has  moved,  when  you  are  at  liberty  to 
return  to  your  ordinary  pursuits. 

CLXXIII. 

Returning  cards  '"'of  thanks"  after  a 
death  for  visits  of  condolence,  implies  that 
the  bereaved  parties  are  prepared  to  re- 
ceive visiters;  it  must,  therefore,  be  with 
them  entirely  a  matter  of  feeling,  as  to 
how  soon  it  is  done. 


CARDS. 

CLXXTV, 

Never  bo  too  punctilious  and  exacting 
with  regard  to  the  penalties  incurred 
through  mistakes. 

CLXXV. 

Lose  without  any  exhibition  of  ill-hu- 
mor, and  win  without  any  symptoms  of 
exultation. 


PRESENTS.  61 


CLXXVI. 

Never  lose  your  temper  at  cards,  and 
avoid  the  exhibition  of  anxiety  or  of  vex- 
ation at  want  of  success.  If  you  are 
playing  whist,  not  only  keep  your  temper, 
but  hold  your  tongue ;  any  intimation  to 
your  partner  is  not  ladylike. 

CLXXVII. 

Women  should  never  play,  unless  they 
can  retain  the  command  of  their  temper. 
She  who  wishes  to  win  a  heart  or  retain 
one,  should  never  permit  her  admirers  to 
behold  her  at  cards,  as  the  anxiety  they 
produce  is  as  destructive  to  beauty  us  to 
sentiment. 


PRESENTS. 

cLxxviir. 
Ladies'  gifts  to  gentlemen  should  be  of 
the   most   refined   nature    possible ;    little 
articles  not  purchased,  but  those  deriving 


G2  TRUE     POLITENESS 

a  priceless  value  as  being  the  offering  of 
their  gentle  skill,  such  as  a  trifle  from 
their  needle,  or  a  picture  from  their  pencil. 
But  such  offerings,  though  invaluable 
among  friends,  are  not  used  on  occasions 
of  ceremony. 

CLXXIX. 

In  the  eyes  of  persons  of  delicacy, 
presents  are  of  no  worth,  except  from  the 
manner  in  which  they  are  bestowed. 
Strive,  then,  to  give  them  this  value. 

CLXXX. 

Never  give  away  a  present  which  you 
have  received  from  another;  or  at  least, 
so  arrange  it,  that  it  may  never  be  known. 

CLXXXI. 

Endeavor  always  to  present  an  article 
which  the  recipient  has  not.  This  in 
many  cases  may  be  difficult ;  but  where  it 
is  possible,  it  should  always  be  done.  I 
have  known  gentlemen  to  receive  half  a 
dozen  purses,  only  one  of  which  did  they 
use. 


GENERAL     OBSERVATIONS.        63 


GENERAL  OBSERVATIONS. 

CLXXXII. 

In  entering  any  public  room  with  a 
gentleman,  let  him  precede  you  and  obtain 
a  seat. 

CLXXXIII. 

If  at  another's  house  you  should  break 
anything,  do  not  appear  to  notice  it.  Your 
hostess,  if  a  lady,  would  take  no  notice 
of  the  calamity,  nor  say,  as  is  sometimes 
done  by  ill-bred  persons,  "  Oh !  it  is  of  no 
consequence." 

CLXXXIV. 

Do  not  beat  the  "  devil's  tattoo,"  by 
drumming  with  your  fingers  on  a  table. 
Never  read  in  an  audible  whisper;  it  dis- 
turbs those  near  you. 

CLXXXV. 

You  should  never  take  the  arms  of  two 
gentlemen,  one  being  upon  either  side. 


64  TRUE      POLITENESS. 

CLXXXVI. 

A  lady  ought  not  to  present  herself 
alone  in  a  library  or  museum,  unless  she 
goes  there  to  study  or  work  as  an  artist. 

CLXXXVII. 

Perfect  order,  exquisite  neatness  and 
elegance,  which  easily  dispense  with  being 
sumptuous,  ought  to  mark  the  entrance  of 
the  house,  the  furniture,  and  the  dress  of 
the  lady. 

CLXXXVIII. 

The  most  obvious  mark  of  good  breed- 
ing and  good  taste  is  a  sensitive  regard  for 
the  feelings  of  others. 

CLXXXIX. 

Dean  Swift,  I  think,  remarks,  that  good 
breeding  does  not  consist  so  much  in  the 
observance  of  particular  forms,  as  in  bring- 
ing the  dictates  of  refined  sense  and  taste 
to  bear  upon  the  ordinary  occurrences  of 
life. 

THE     END. 


This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last 
date  stamped  below. 


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jOHi 


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